we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just pee around me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
