The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
