All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
