I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
