Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
