Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
