Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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