Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
