im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
