Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
