sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
