You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
