when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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