tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
