"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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