with your own penis?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize