I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
