i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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