his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
