I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
