you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
