Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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