I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
