Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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