my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
