i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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