i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
