Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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