For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need a beard to bite.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
