so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Shame - the story of my life.
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