Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I deserve this hangover.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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