Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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