Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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