Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
