Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
