So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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