i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
