so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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