I need to stop coming to work sober
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
