yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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