Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
