I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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