Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
NoShamevember. You game?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
