Pants 0. Shit 1.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
