I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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