The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
