somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
