Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
