Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
