bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
