We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
