best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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