So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
