why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
