There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
