My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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