i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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