My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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