What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
