You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
