marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
