To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
