I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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