I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
