On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
