I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
