it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
